The Silent Voice
by AsphyxiatedRequiem
Summary: Contains 3 storiesDreams of the insane:Dreams can lead us to the paths of our past, present, and future. Sometimes, our dreams take us into a fantasy world where everything is perfect, but other times, our dreams make us face a reality to frightening to c
1. Dreams of the insane

**_Disclaimer:_**Don't own anybody and of course this never happend, just a work of fiction

**Dreams Of The Insane**

I see a door.

Actually, I see a lot of doors. There are doors all around me, each depicting a different design.

I know I'm dreaming.

I know I'm dreaming because I've had this dream before. This very exact dream. Every time, I see something different in here, but it's the same dream none the less.

This is his dream. This scenario, after all, was from one of his favorite movies. I always wondered why he was so fascinated with it, but now, being here, I can see why. What lies before me are the doors of my life, my memories, and my experiences. Each of which, I spent with him.

I stare at the door in front of me. There is a picture frame, along with a doorknob embedded in its ornate brass outline. I know where this door goes. I went through it the first time I ever had this dream. The frame hadn't caught my attention right away, but when the picture within began to move…it was then that I stopped. The figures within the picture frame door began to animate and recreate my memories. Right there is when I opened the door and was pulled deep into my past.

The world behind that particular door was my life when my mother was still alive. We were all so happy then. I stayed inside that world until my mother's passing, and when she died is when I was shot back into reality, awaking to the shrill ring of my phone.

Damn wake up call.

When I had the dream again, I wanted so badly to return to that place. I wanted to go back through the picture frame door and live in my mother's happiness again. But, even though it is just a dream, I knew I might not have that much time here, so I chose another door.

I worked my way through every door within this fantasy, reliving my past, seeing all my triumphs and mistakes along the way. Until now…

I am at the last door.

And to be perfectly honest…what's behind this door terrifies me. I know what is behind this door without ever having been inside.

I lived it.

The door is a bouquet of roses.

(_He always loved roses._)

The flowers themselves are beautiful, but what scares me the most is the blood that trickles from each and every thorn. I know what that blood symbolizes, and no, it does not symbolize itself. What lies behind this door has nothing to do with blood or death. It has nothing to do with gore or actual bloodshed.

This blood is on my hands and my conscious. It's about hurt. His gorgeous roses…bloody and destroyed by me.

I push away my thoughts and fears, and step up to the door. I turn the knob and slowly slip away as I am drawn back into my own mind.

_He sat alone, staring up at the cloudy sky._

"It's gonna rain," a voice sounded from behind him.

He didn't even move or acknowledge the man speaking. He just continued staring up at the heavens.

"I brought you something," the other man said, walking slowly towards the man who was still had his eyes transfixed on the sky.

"Here," he said, bending down and handing the man a single red rose.

"Oh, thank you," he said smelling the light scent from the flower, "you know I love roses," he spoke, finally looking away from above.

"Hmm, let's see…" he continued, "He loves me…he loves me not…he loves me…he loves me not," he went on, picking each petal off as he so loved to do.

Picking the final petal off he glanced at the other man.

"Well, what do ya know? He loves me," he finished, kissing the other man on the lips sweetly.

"Love you," came the reply after they broke from each other.

"Love you too Matt,"  


"_Hey, who are they from?" A voice asked of the man behind him._

"Who are what from…oh," the other man questioned as he stepped over the threshold of the door.

"Looks like you have a secret admirer," he replied as he stepped past the table and sat down in one of the chairs.

"I know who they're from Shane," the man said, pulling a rose from the bouquet that sat on the table.

"Oh really? Who?" Shane asked, smiling at the grin on the other man's face.

"A friend…" he trailed off as he began pulling the petals off of the ruby colored flower.

Walking into his the adjoining room, he whispered silently to himself,

"He loves me…he loves me not…he loves me…"  


"_We can't do this! We're gonna get caught!"_

"No, we're not Matt. Just be quiet," came the reply from somewhere within the small, dark room.

"Where the hell are you?" Matt whispered as he felt around in the darkness.

"Right here," he answered, sliding his arms around Matt's neck and pulling him down into a kiss.

After the quick feeling of shock faded, Matt moved his hands to the other man's hips, drawing him nearer. He kissed the other man back harder as he was pushed backwards into the wall of the tiny room with a thud.

They suddenly pulled apart and ducked behind the nearest thing when the door opened, and the light in the hallway illuminated the darkness.

"Hello?" a voice sounded from the doorway.

"Dude, what are you doing?" another voice questioned from further away.

"Nothing man, I just thought I heard something moving in here,"

"Oh, well c'mon, we're gonna be late. I still have shit to do before my match,"

"Okay. Hey do you know if…" the voice trailed off as the door was shut and the room was once again submerged in shadows.

The sounds of heavy breathing and simultaneous sighs of relief echoed through the room. The two men inside looked at each other even though they couldn't see.

"I fuckin' told you we were going to get caught! Why don't you ever listen to me!" Matt whispered harshly.

There came no reply from the other man, but before Matt could say another word, a small giggle sounded from the other side of the room. That tiny giggle turned into more giggling, which turned into a full fledged laugh, which then turned into what could only be described as borderline hysterics.

Matt stared in disbelief at his young lover.

"Only you would think that was funny," Matt sighed and shook his head.

"Okay…okay…but you have to ad..admit…" he choked out, breaking into hysterical laughter once more.

Matt sighed again.

"Only you Jeff…only you,"

"Yea, but that's why ya love me," Jeff replied after calming his amusement. He threw his arm over Matt's shoulder, and after checking to make sure everything was clear, they left the small office.

"_Why are you doing this!"_

"You know why,"

"No, I don't understand. How could…I just wanted…I love you Matt," came a small whisper, contrasting to the shrill scream that echoed through the house just seconds before.

"I know. But we can't keep doing this…it isn't right," replied the calm, unshaken voice.

"What's not right!" He was back to his screaming.

"You know better than this. Eventually we're gonna get caught. We can't risk it…neither of us are at fault, it…it just needs to end," again came the collected tone.

"I…I…why…what are…oh God," he croaked out before breaking into hysterical sobs. He fell down against the wall and crumpled slowly to the floor as he let his tears overtake him.

The other man stood there, staring at the other man who was beyond reason now. Unable to take his lover's anguished bawling anymore, he walked slowly towards him. He slowly lowered himself and set the bouquet of roses he held, down next to the crying man.

"I'm sorry Jeff," he whispered as he stood up and walked out the door.

Suddenly the man's sobs ceased and he stared at the roses beside him. He picked a flower from the bunch and began to pluck each petal off.

"He loves me…he loves me not…he loves me…he loves me not…he loves me…he loves me not…"  


_He continued walking as far from the house as possible, and with the thoughts that plagued his mind, he soon realized he was home._

He wasn't sure how he had managed it, but he entered his house anyway and headed up the stairs to his room. When he reached his room he removed his shoes and sat down on the bed. Slowly, he lowered himself onto his bed and as soon as his head was upon his pillow…

Beep Beep Beep

I shoot up out of bed and look at the offensive object that so suddenly jerked me out of my dream.

Damn alarm clock.

I note the time as I shut the alarm off and sit up, sliding to the edge of the bed. Getting up slowly, I stretch tiredly and then proceed about the room. I walk around and gather clothes from my dresser and prepare to get ready for the day.

I took a quick shower, quicker than usual, and got dressed. I didn't even bother to grab something to eat on my way out. I just want to get where I need to be right now.

While I drive, I think about the dream. I knew eventually I would have to face that door and what was within. I don't know if I can face him today after reliving what happened.

And that's where I'm going. To see him.

I try to go and visit him as often as I can, but it still doesn't seem like enough. I pull into the road that will take me to him and I drive up slowly to the place, looking for somewhere to park.

I feel like I'm still in that unconscious state I was in the dream. I don't know how I ended up in front of his door, but I'm there, staring at it.

This door reminds me of the rose door I saw in my dream. I know what lies behind this door, but I don't want to face it. It scares me to death.

Instead of going in, I stare through the window in the door.

The sight takes me by surprise and I jump back.

He's there. He's sitting there within the confines of his straight jacket, the floor around him covered in a red sea of rose petals.

I back away slowly, tears brimming my eyes as I listen to his voice through the door.

"He loves me…he love me not…he loves me…he loves me not…"


	2. Story 2:Words of the hidden

**Words Of The Hidden **

I see him.

He doesn't think I do, but I can see him. He doesn't think I pay attention…that I don't realize he's standing there, watching me. He thinks he can hide from me. He thinks I'm too far gone to know.

But I'm not gone…I'm right here.

Can't he see me?

_He can't see you._

Why not? I can see him…wait…

Why is he crying?

_I made him cry._

No, I think I made him cry. He's crying because he can't see me. Why won't he come and get me out?

_He's scared of you._

I hurt him. Is that why he's scared of me?

_He hurt me._

No, I hurt him. I left him alone. And now he can't find me. Why did I ever leave! Why did I ever listen to you!

_He hurt me._

No, he hurt me! Don't try and trick me!

_He hurt you._

The doorknob turned and he stepped into the room. He wiped the remaining tears from his eyes as he stepped slowly towards the man sitting in the middle of the room.

Approaching slowly, he kneeled down in front of him, looking upon his blank face. He reached his hand out and skimmed his fingers across the man's pale cheek.

"Jeff? Jeff, can you hear me?" He called softly to him.

"Jeff, honey…look at me," he commanded gently, lifting the Jeff's face with his hand.

What stared back at him were unresponsive, lifeless green eyes.

He felt his own eyes start to well up at the sight of his once carefree, jovial lover.

"Jeff…love?" He questioned hoarsely, "Jeff, please…I miss you."

Here he comes. He's coming to get me!

_No he's not._

Yes he is! He wants to find me. Matt! MATT!

_He can't hear you._

Then you tell him! I want to go home!

_No._

I want to go HOME!

_No…_

You are home.

MATT! Matt…I can hear you. I'm right here! I am talking to you! Why can't you HEAR ME! MATT!

I AM looking at you Matt! WHY CAN'T HE HEAR ME!

_Because he doesn't want to._

Yes he DOES! Matt! I miss you too! Dammit…MATT!

_He can't…_

SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

"Jeff, I know you…"

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"

"Jeff! Jeff, baby, calm down," he spoke gently.

"LEAVE ME ALONE! HE DOES! HE WANTS ME HOME!"

"Jeff, please…please, just look at me,"

"I'M HERE! RIGHT HERE! SEE ME? HERE!"

"I see you Rainbow. Easy, please,"

"NO! NO! NO!"

_He can't hear you._

He can't see you.

He doesn't want you anymore.

LEAVE ME ALONE! HE DOES! HE WANTS ME HOME!

_He doesn't see you._

I'M HERE! RIGHT HERE! SEE ME? HERE!

_He doesn't love you._

NO! NO! NO!

_Stop crying._

I hate you.

_What a fucking pussy._

STOP IT!

_Stop trying to rip your hair out you fucking baby._

MATT!

He backed up into the corner with tears running down his face, gripping and pulling his blonde hair.

"I hate you." He whispered, leaning up against the padded wall.

"Jeff…" Matt tried again.

"STOP IT!" He screamed, yanking at his hair and pulling tighter.

"Baby, please…you going to hurt yourself," Matt pleaded, desperately trying to pry Jeff's hands away from his hair. It was then understood why Jeff was kept in the restrictions of a straight jacket. Matt briefly wondered why he had begged for them to release him while he was there.

"MATT!"

Matt fell backwards as the impact of his name hit him hard. Jeff had never acknowledged his presence. Not until now.

He jumped up quickly to his knees and shuffled quickly towards Jeff.

"I'm right here Rainbow. Can you hear me?" Matt inquired hopefully.

He sees me.

_No he doesn't._

Matt, please…help me.

_He doesn't want you._

SHUT UP! I HATE YOU! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

_He doesn't love you._

NO!

He loves me…he loves me…he loves me…

"Rainbow…are you listening? Jeff, talk to me please…just say something," Matt pressed, tears coming back to his eyes and rolling over his cheeks.

Jeff suddenly looked up at Matt, his eyes holding a spark of life.

"He sees me," he whispered, looking into Matt's eyes.

"Yea Rainbow…I see you," Matt choked back through his quiet sobs.

"Matt, please…help me," Jeff pleaded softly, still staring into Matt's eyes with hope.

"I'm here Jeffy. I'm not going anywhere…"

"SHUT UP! I HATE YOU! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" Jeff yelled, his stare falling from Matt and landing again on the wall beside him.

Matt pursed his lips together and held back the onslaught of tears that threatened to spill. He closed his eyes and cursed himself for expecting so much.

"NO!" Came another outburst from Jeff, as Matt held his eyes tightly shut, blocking out his love's cries of desperation.

Jeff curled up, wrapping his arms around his legs, and rocked back and forth roughly.

"He loves me…he loves me…he loves me…he loves me…" he mumbled as he pitched himself forward then back, hitting the walls harshly.

Matt slowly stood up; watching as the door opened and two workers came in, one holding a straight jacket.

He walked to the door, not looking back as Jeff cried out against his restraints.

"NO! GET OUT! I WANT TO GO HOME! HE LOVES ME!"

Matt suddenly stopped as his hand reached for the door handle.

"I know you're there Jeff. I know you're there…just hidden. But I'll find you. He loves you…I love you." He muttered to himself as he walked out of the door.


	3. Story 3 actions of the desperate

**Actions Of The Desperate **

I saw him.

I saw him three weeks ago. I saw him then and haven't gone back since. Don't take me wrong; even though it kills me to see him sometimes, it hasn't been on my own free will. I'm heading home now. I'm sitting here, looking out of the window next to me and just watching the clouds fly by. I'm gonna go see him tomorrow, but as for tonight, I'm going to walk into my house and pass out on the couch. I don't think I'll make it up the stairs to my room, even if I tried.

I stare out the window, looking at nothing in particular…just thinking. I remember he used to do the same thing when we traveled together. He would just sit and think. I wish I had known what went on inside his head. Maybe he wouldn't have ended up the way he did.

But I know that's not true. I made him that way. And even if it wasn't fully my fault, I know I cut the last thread of his sanity. I will still, always, blame myself.

It's a heavy burden to carry…knowing you drove someone crazy. Not just someone, but your baby brother, your partner in life, the man you love. And not just metaphorically speaking either, but literally drove them crazy.

I made him retreat back into himself, and up until the last time I saw him, I didn't think I could ever reverse what I did. But, that last time, I saw him. I saw the old Jeff Hardy. The Jeff I used to know and love.

I saw a spark of hope.

He saw me.

He saw me and he knows I'm here. But how do I get out of this?

_You can't._

Shut up…it's your fault to begin with. You want me to stay here.

Well I don't want to stay. I want to go home. I want to be with my Matty.

_You can't._

Yes I damn well can…and I will. I've been hearing the doctors talk. They say I'm getting better. So, na na na na na!

_You're not._

Shut up. I'm not listening to you.

_Yes, you are._

La la la! I can't hear you.

_Yes, you can._

Okay, fine, I can. But, you're wrong. I'm going home. I'm getting away from this. I'm getting away from YOU!

_No, you're not. You never will._

I'm going home.

_No, you're…_

Matt naked and tied to my bed… Matt naked and tied to my bed… Matt naked and tied to my bed…

_You can't ignore me. And Matt doesn't want you._

YES HE DOES! YOU SHUT UP!

_He doesn't love you. He threw you away and left you here._

SHUT UP! MATT LOVES ME!

_No, he doesn't._

SHUT UP!

_Make me._

Maybe I will.

_Yea, okay…try._

Maybe…I…will.

_He looked around hazily, his vision blurred by the tears in his eyes. He stood within blackness, only staring down at the ground. What lie there, were his roses._

His beautiful, ruby roses.

His ruby roses, soaked in the crimson of his blood.

His eyes burned as he wiped away the tears, a new substance filling his eyes. His hands…

His hands, he noticed as his vision cleared, were covered in blood.

He glared back down at the blood-covered roses as they slowly disappeared and faded into the darkness…

I bolted straight up in bed, sweating and breathing heavy. That's the third time this week I've had that dream. I'm not sure what it means, but it scares me to think.

I shake the feeling and wipe the sweat from my face. I need to get ready. I have to go see him today.

It's going to be different this time. I've thought about this since the last time I was there. I know he's in there…and I'm going to bring him back out.

_What are you doing?_

Shutting you up.

_Where did you get that?_

From one of the doctor's offices. Now be quiet…I need to concentrate.

_So, you think you're so fucking smart?_

I said shut up.

_No. I will be the last thing you hear whether you like it or not._

Oh, would you stop already? I've had enough of you. I'm going home.

_Why? Matt doesn't want you there. He doesn't love you anymore._

Yes, he does. And I'm going to be with him…home, where I belong.

_You belong here._

Nope…not paying attention to you.

_You're a fucking idiot. He doesn't love you._

NO! Matt loves me. He loves me…he loves me…he loves me.

It's weird. The drive seems longer. I guess, last time, I wasn't fully conscious. I wonder what he'll be like today. The doctors that work with him say he seems to be better. Not much, but still progressing.

I mean, when he was first put there, he didn't say two words to anyone. But, lately, they say he's been fighting back. I think they said, something like, he's fighting himself. He locked himself away and now he's trying to fight his way back.

And I intend on helping him come out of his shell. I'm going to help him come back to me.

I stop at the florist and get him a bouquet of roses. I know he'll love them, even if he just sits there, silently picking the petals off.

When I get back into my car, I place the flowers on the passenger seat, and stare at them for a second. It's like they are taking his place for right now, sitting where he usually sat. I smile and pull back onto the road.

"You'll be back here Jeff. I promise."

Are you still…there?

_You are…such a…a… little…shit._

Ha…you can't…ev…even talk…right.

_Neither…can…you……dumbass._

Shut up. You'll be…gone s…sss….soon.

_If I go…you..g...go with…me._

Nope…M…M…Mmatt needs…me.

_No…he hates…y..y..you._

He…loves…me.

I just finished speaking with the doctor and now I'm winding my way through the empty halls of the institution. I can't wait to see him. For once, there is a shred of hope and even a small bounce in my step.

I finally reach his door and my stomach does weird jump as I touch the handle.

Nerves.

I step inside, needing to see him again.

What I see makes me stop right in my step and half gasp, half sob.

He's lying there; face pale, eyes dead, the only color on his ghostly pale skin is the smeared burgundy marks across his arms.

I drop to my knees and crawl over to his. I don't care about the blood that is now all over me, or the roses that fell from my hands. I pick up his head and place it in my lap and he looks at me.

"Matty?"

"I'm right here Rainbow,"

"You..s…ss..see me?"

"Yes baby, I see you,"

"I…I…finally…s…shut….him….up,"

"Who?"

"The..v…vv…v…voice…in…m…mmmy….head,"

"I love you, Jeff,"

"I…love…y..y..you…tt…too, M….Mmatty,"

I see it before it gradually fades away. I saw the sparkle, the Jeff I knew…I saw it right before it faded…before he faded.

I look at him and lay his head down, but I can't stand up. I can barely see through my tears. I wipe my eyes and they sting suddenly as the blood from my hands pierces my vision. When my vision eventually clears, I'm staring at the floor. I'm staring at the flowers I dropped and the slow moving crimson river that flows from his body.

A crimson river that is gradually flowing onto his beautiful, ruby roses.


End file.
